Thursday, December 18, 2008

Whoa!Totally #3: Hacker-Pschorr Weisse!

It's a traditional German wheat beer that tastes like a light, buttery, lemony biscuit...only refreshing! With a light maltiness and hints of banana & clove. AND it's only 156 calories per 12 oz. serving. Not bad for a beer this tasty!

That's why Hacker-Pschorr Weisse is today's Whoa!Totally.

Now, don't get on your high-horse about how I'm being seasonally inappropriate. Some people enjoy ice cream in the winter; I enjoy wheat beers. In fact, if I were just coming in from skiing in the Swiss Alps, I can think of nothing tastier than curling up next to a fire in the ski lodge and drinking a tall, crisp, heady glass of Hacker-Pschorr Weisse.

Strange, considering my dubious introduction to the beer. I first tried it at a gentleman's insistence on a second date that didn't lead to a third. The first date had gone fairly well, actually. We'd met for pool & a couple of pints at a local pub. He was good-looking, smart, funny, charming, and drove a really sexy motorcycle (not usually my thing). The only drawback was that he quoted Napoleon Dynamite & the Simpsons constantly--like, often in lieu of conversation. But I chalked this up to nervousness and agreed to go out with him again.

His plans for the second date were more ambitious. I drove to meet him in a small town a few hours away where there was supposedly some sort of fair going on. He told me we'd have dinner and drinks and enjoy the festivities. When I arrived at the restaurant, he was in the middle of a conversation with somebody he knew but he didn't introduce me or acknowledge me (even though it was clear he'd seen me come in). I waited in a booth for 15 minutes before he came over. I was starving and had been staring at the menu. When I asked him what he recommended he said "oh, you're hungry?" in this really incredulous tone of voice. He told me he'd just eaten with friends and said "Let's go to the bar. We'll get you something to eat later." Perhaps this is a good point to mention that he was wearing a bluetooth headset the whole night?

Anyway, the "fair" turned out to be a really small motorcycle show (small show, not small motorcycles, which would have been waaay better), so I spent half the night passively listening to this guy banter with other motorcycle dudes in impenetrable motorcycle-speak. He accused half of them of trying to hit on me; the other half consisted of guys he already knew but didn't introduce me to.

When we finally went to dinner, I felt awkward because I was the only one eating and the guy (who was thinner than me) kept going on about how he was watching his weight. Not only did we have to wait 45 minutes to get a table, then 45 minutes for my food to arrive, but when the food did arrive it was cold, inedible and not anything resembling what I had ordered. I don't mean it didn't live up to my expectations; I mean they brought me somebody else's food. I've worked enough in food service at this point that I'm not much of a complainer, but this seemed like a totally appropriate occasion on which to send back the food or talk to the manager about getting the food comped. The guy wouldn't let me do it! I mean, he threatened to get up and walk out if I embarrassed him like that. Couldn't I see that the staff was already overworked and harassed? In retrospect I blame my hunger for the fact that I didn't just let him leave, but at the time I thought perhaps he was totally right and I was being irrational and rude. I paid for the food; he ate it. Oh, and did I mention? During the course of our "date" he took about 3 calls on his blue-tooth headset which all began with him telling the caller "Oh, nothing. You?"

So what does any of this have to do with Hacker-Pschorr Weisse? The fact that I'd been drinking it all night...ever since he'd taken me away from the food I'd wanted so desperately and dragged me to the bar where he stared at me in disbelief and said "You've never had Hacker-Pschorr? Are you shitting me?"

The entire date I kept thinking "wow, this date blows, but this beer is AWESOME!"

Hacker-Pschorr Wiesse: I'd have one now if it wasn't before noon and I wasn't proctoring a final exam.


  1. Wait, buttery is a positive attribute? I think you know my stance on buttery beers.

    But I might make an exception here--especially if the beer is advertised on a billboard with the slogan "A Gentleman's Insistence."

  2. Yes, JR, I'm intimately aware of your stance on "buttery beer," but I think you might like this one. The beer you thought was too buttery at Doug and Erin's was a a rich, seasonal, Belgian trippel ale. In other words, a really alcoholic pastry. This one is very light, lemony & fizzy.

    If you *make* me an "A Gentleman's Insistence" Hacker-Pschorr ad, I'll totally whoa!totally it.

  3. This is so great, Karyna. Knowing you like I do, a big part of me can't believe you dealt with a chump like that. The other part of me totally understands: awesome beer on an empty stomach = life becomes a comedy.

  4. I am afraid you might be returning to the hater ways you are trying to exorcise through this blogging project. Your passing nod to a brand of wheat beer seems like merely the wrapping paper for two all-beef patties of that-guy-was-a-total-jerk. I'm just sayin'...

  5. No, you're totally I right. I was thinking about that on the way home today. Still, it's not like I'm trying to completely eradicate my "hater" ways; I just need more balance. Besides, I'm afraid accolades of awesomeness would feel disingenuous & empty without at least acknowledging the flip side.

    I protest too much. I'll work on it. :P

  6. I think the distinction, in New Sincerity, is that it both includes and transcends irony and cynicism. The justified hating isn't suppressed or ignored, it's just subsumed by awesomeness.

    There's also the challenge of finding a narrative. You need conflict for a post this entertaining. How you reflect on it, and where you're able to rescue a moiety of awesome from a storm of douchebaggery, is the ultimate triumph of W!T.

  7. I was in the middle of composing a reply of that nature, but I couldn't have put it more eloquently, Jeremy, so thank you.

    These posts are ultimately about joy, but joy often sprouts most profusely from the manure of life. And even the manure is awesome in its own manure-y way! If I want to put many of my W!Ts in context some angst & cynicism is to be expected, but not hate (I hope).

  8. The beer you thought was too buttery at Doug and Erin's was a a rich, seasonal, Belgian trippel ale.

    like hell it was.
    it was a plain old amber ale.
    new belgium makes a tripel, but there was none of that present on that particular day.

  9. It was totally the tripel. That's when we were all obsessed with it.